Because Being a Nerd Is Awesome

There's a certain game that I enjoy playing a lot. The only problem is that when I try to tell people how awesome it is, they immediately assume I'm a supernerd with no friends, that I haven't seen the sun since the last time I went to buy a modified CPU, and that I haven't gotten exercise since I was forced to play in little league baseball. None of this is true (I promise). The fact is that only the coolest people enjoy this game. The game (I just lost the game) is Munchkin, and it has supplied my buddies and me with countless hours of enraging amounts of fun.

THE GAME (I lost again)

Explained simply, Munchkin is like Dungeons and Dragons with cards and awesome. Everyone starts out as "a level one human with no class (heh heh)." The point of the game is to laugh and get pissed, and then getting to level ten is a side objective. A wise man once said "fuck bitches; make money." The Munchkin equivalent would be "Fight monsters; obtain treasure." Treasure, apart from aiding your character in the game, adds humor. A cutlass, which is a type of sword, can only be used by females (because it has lass in the name -- get it?) while a cutlad can only be used by males. There are a hell of a lot more cards with even more humor, but you'll have to play it to enjoy it.

After starting, players generally choose one of two paths: Make friends or become a terrorist. A friend will help you when you fight a monster. A terrorist will be a bitch and do everything possible to piss you off and take your things from you. Penguin (another friend of mine) is notorious for this. What makes the game even better is how vague the rules are. It is perfectly legal to threaten someone in game with something completely unrelated. For example, saying "help me win or you're not invited to my birthday party" is allowed.

TIME WASTER


There have been very few quick games of Munchkin. Most rounds last about two hours, some stretching to three and very few ending before an hour is up. However, there is a set of rules where players have to get to level twenty to win. We played this (Epic Munchkin) recently, but we didn't realize the time commitment it would take.

We (there were seven of us) started around 9:30pm. I figured we'd be done by one in the morning at the latest. How wrong was I? Very. Very wrong indeed. Six hours of game-play later, the game finally ended when someone got fed up and ended the game by letting/forcing three other people to win (I'd explain how, but the rules get pretty hefty. I'll explain if we play together some time). No one was happy at the end of the night.

SMALL PROBLEM


As mentioned before, one of the options is to be a terrorist. This causes problems when people get very upset. Some arguments spill over into real life. Personally, I think it's hilarious to watch two people quarrel over how big of a selfish dick someone else is being. No punches have been thrown yet, but give it time; It'll happen.

I've also put myself into a dangerous position: The Rule Master. Being the one who introduced Munchkin to my friends, I know the most about it. This means I have to narc on people who are cheating, which typically makes me look like a total ass, comparable to an infamous dictator or maybe even Judas. Life goes on, and so does Munchkin, so I don't really care. Plus, I like being an ass. So everyone wins, really. Mostly just me, though.

GOOD TIMES


Just like everything else, Muchkin is much more fun when alcohol is involved. As I recall, I was playing Munchkin the first time I had a long island iced tea, and boy was that fun. The group was about half done with the game, and I was half done with my drink (it was at least a double serving, and this was when my tolerance was very low) when I turned to "Mel Gibson" and said "I'll chug the rest of this for five dollars." Several minutes later, I gained three dollars and I was rolling. Literally, I was rolling around on the floor. I also stole some UV Blue from someone, and I'm pretty sure I could have won the game, but I sabotaged myself. Not really sure what happened after that.

Along similar lines, I've already developed rules for turning this into a drinking game I call Drunchkin. I haven't played it yet, but when it happens I'll let you all know.

As payment for reading this blog, here's a picture of me running around in my underwear from the second time I drank (This event was mentioned in  a previous blog post) and the first time I streaked:

As my friend Penguin would say, lolbutts.
Enjoy your week, everyone. Don't forget to comment and vote (polling is located at the bottom of the page).