Another essay. This one's better. I promise.

THE PREFACE:
This was originally written on July 14, 2010. It was the summer following my Freshman year of college. Massive changes had occurred and I was kinda freakin' out, but in a really calm manner (FACT: I like to contradict myself). I think the only person who knew me well over the whole span of this little adventure was Treyson, who is alluded to in the essay. I'm not positive he noticed the change as thoroughly as I did, but who cares. Read it and enjoy it.

THE STORY



On Life Views and Social Concerns

I have never fully understood how a person can change so drastically over a relatively short amount of time. Physical features and personal interests aside, when morals, religious and political views, and social habits mutate into something totally different it is an important and life-altering event. A simple example is a sheltered, well behaved child going off to the real world and “exploding out of the slut closet,” so to speak. I, as many others, have experienced comparable change (on several occasions).

While I was in middle school, I was a shy, awkward, nerdy guy. I had a couple friends who I hung out with on occasion, but mostly I sat at home and did nothing. I did not really care what people thought of me, save for my crush, at whom I awkwardly glanced every so often. (I know they say not to care what other people think of you, but let us be honest; it matters.) That lack of social concern would explain why I only had a couple friends. I had my morals, which were tied closely to my Catholic religion, and I stuck by them fairly well. I stayed this way for several years, losing only a few morals with a chance of being more social.

Right when my morals dropped enough for me to hang out with fast women and watch people smoke pot at the age of sixteen (I thought that was rock bottom at the time), I was invited to a youth group after Sunday Mass. I am not sure if I am easily persuaded or if I was just incapable of thinking for myself, but that one youth group was enough for me to change completely by my next birthday. I joined the group and learned more about what Catholicism taught. Realizing everything I was doing wrong, I began to alter my life toward supreme righteousness.

I became an extreme Catholic, confessing my sins monthly, never swearing, etc., which inadvertently lead to me realizing none of my classmates at my Catholic school acted remotely Christian. I became “that guy,” the one who is a bit too eccentric and forceful about beliefs. Even more of an outcast, I luckily and somehow kept some friends friends from school(plus the ones from youth group, naturally).

My newfound understanding that almost all “Catholics” actually suck at practicing the religion was the first blow to my until then ever-growing faith. The effect was compounded by own personal amoral decisions, and ultimately by a good friend confessing he was in a relationship with another man (which, as I recall, I followed up with a fist bump). I felt strange getting used to this at first -- not knowing how to act or what to think. It was a total shelter-shock. But no matter what, I refused to believe this guy would be damned for loving someone that just happened to also have a penis.

I was halfway through my senior year of high school at this time, and I stopped considering myself a Catholic. I re-solidified a friendship from my childhood, a friendship I hold dear to this day. I became a little more social, cared a bit more about what other people thought about me, and coasted spiritually. At this point, my outlook on life was something like “I hope I can make more friends” and “I hope I figure out my life.”

I graduated, spent my summer with my girlfriend and the guys from the youth group (though they were unaware of my religious fallout), and then came college. Several members of my graduating high school class attended the University of St. Thomas with me, but because I was never very close to any of them I regressed to extreme shyness. I eventually became close with my co-graduates and they introduced me to alcohol and good times, including but not limited to streaking and my drunken habit of learning everyone’s name at the party. Unfortunately, the friendships hardly extended past that point, except for the roommate of two fellow high school graduates, who was pretty damn cool.

The year went by and I learned a lot about myself and what I wanted to do. I discovered my limits when my grades dropped and I went back home, somewhat downtrodden, to work my third summer at the local pool. My thoughts at this juncture were “Alright, it is time for change. Look out, Obama, there is a new man in town.”

The beginning of my summer vacation began with a fairly amicable split between my girlfriend-of-essentially-three-years and me. I am unaware if my ensuing personality change was due to not being in a relationship and the freedom therein, or if it was an inevitable transition that the universe deemed necessary. Within weeks I had become noticeably different, being significantly more social, more eccentric, and more of an ass, but in a nice I’m-just-kidding sort of way. This is how I currently am.

My overall confidence and generally appealing demeanor are, I assume, direct results of my new outlook on life, which essentially amounts to “Fuck it. I will do exactly as I damn well please.”

-----------------------------

This is not a thoroughly detailed account of the change. I could mention an ass-ton more events or inner-thinkings that led to the changes, but those are for my close friends.

Per usual, you are required to comment, subscribe, and vote (polling is at the bottom of the page).