July 4th = Fire and Alcohol

Independence day was intended to remind all of the Americans that we succeeded in freeing ourselves from the stupid people with bad teeth all those years ago. Through the ages, we've managed to turn it into a nation-wide party where everyone ingests ethanol in close proximity to fire. We are clearly demonstrating how well we're doing. Sadly, our grossly irresponsible behavior was dulled in comparison to our state and federal governments. But none of you care about that.

Teh Partee
One of my friends held his annual Fourth of July party on July 2nd and I felt obligated to go and perform my shit show. He privately funds his own fireworks show that is easily better than the show put on by the city. I showed up midway through the show, Mega Buddy cup in-hand. This was roughly the contents of the cup -- I call it the Ginny Weasley:

I'm probably underestimating the amount of gin in there. All I know is that by the end of the night I had drank a half liter of it, was puking violently and incapable of walking on my own.

Drunk Dials
I've never liked phones, mainly because I have a habit of destroying them (I had my phone replaced just over a day ago, I don't even have service on it yet, and I've both dropped and thrown it), but also because I hate connectivity [he said as he blogged]. Anyway, after I got all toasty I called two people, one encouraged me to drink more and I blame her for all of my puke, the other was my brother to whom I appeared to open up to a bit too much. This quote from me was his status on facebook the next day:

Honestly. Honestly. Honestly. If I had the choice, I would be bisexual. But I don't have the choice. Ughhhhh I might puke soon. I'm sitting down and oh god I'll call you back bye.

Most of that night is pretty blurry, but I guess Trenton was waiting for me to get off the phone so we could leave when another of our friends shouted out, "Found him!" I was, allegedly, face-planted in the opening of the barn with my ass in the air* and my face and shoulders firmly pressed against the gravel. After finally leaving, I hung my head out of the window for the whole fifteen-minute ride back and, once we got to McDonald's drive through, I puked one last time.

I really don't think anyone was surprised with how this turned out.

*Don't criticize me for the hentai. It's not my fault good songs have backgrounds that are completely inappropriate.